Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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