On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
