Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
