Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
