she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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