I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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