We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
