His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
