I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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