my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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