i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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