I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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