I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize