Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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