Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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