How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
