keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
