Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
