I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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