so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
