I just made out with a guy for $7.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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