be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
