We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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