it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
