so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Randomize
