Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i came on her dog
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
