either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
