i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
