i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
