so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize