oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
