It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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