found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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