sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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