Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
