At least make sure they are 18
Why
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
