Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
