I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
