I just saw a hot homeless man
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize