Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
