He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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