brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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