I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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