Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
