You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
