my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize