from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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