I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
