You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
