This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my poor anus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Drunk is not a location!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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