mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
