I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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