If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
