PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
