I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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