I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
