i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This girl is more easily done than said...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
