I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
