Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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