He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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