just tell him i said nine months
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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