i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
