I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
