If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
