I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
