Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
