Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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