You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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